so that wasnt chicken after all
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
