Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
