I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Everyone says I win the strip club
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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