We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
