My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
