im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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