I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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