Kiss
Puke
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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