I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
