I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
