is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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