if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
