in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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