Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she peed on how many people?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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