Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
