we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
