Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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