Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
