how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
