i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
