Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
