Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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