She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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