party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
