Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
