turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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