I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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