Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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