then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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