I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
