she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
