Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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