all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
