You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
