if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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