Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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