They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
