I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
