And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
