i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
