Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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