remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
