Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
