the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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