Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think i have two assholes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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