I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
