3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
