i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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