is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
