The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
