I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
